Time to Reconstruct a Life - Again (Part I)

(Cue the violins... this one is a pity party.)

I don’t know about you, but since entering into adulthood all those years ago, it seems my life can’t go more than a few years without being blown up in some major way. Does this happen to everyone? The scary part is it seems each blow-up gets bigger and more impactful in its scope or duration. I’ve watched demolition shows on Discovery Channel. You know, the ones where they have to remove a building from the middle of downtown Las Vegas. The engineers strategically plant explosives in different places on different levels. They program them to go off at different times. So, it should be no surprise that when the universe (or the people who have access to me) decide it’s time for another round of “Let’s Rock Karla’s World – and not in a good way,” that everything seems to be synchronized to go off in a series rather than one fail swoop. (Sigh....)

Right now, I’m looking at a drawn-out-over-four-years blow up process. Started about the middle of 2005 and still doesn’t seem to be finished. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know all about the idea that what gets built up from the rubble of what was taken down is usually better, brighter, newer (well, obviously), and in all ways progressive, but geez, it’s a lot of work to rebuild. There are so many questions and so many decisions to make so that the rebuild makes the destruction worth it. Who should be the contractors I approve to work on this new construction project? What kind of time-line is reasonable for this to be finished? Is it reasonable to expect other construction workers to show up for this task or, since it’s my life, am I the only one responsible for getting things rebuilt? What exactly is the floorplan I want and need? And, the most frustrating question of all: Why wasn’t I part of the planning committee that decided to blow it all up in the first place? I mean, when they blow up something in Vegas, I’m sure the property owners had a say, or at least advance notice so they could exit the building... wouldn’t you think?

I’m having trouble envisioning what kind of "structure" is now needed to house what will be my reconstructed life.

Some days I think about rebuilding a huge family compound... a space and place for every imaginable family relationship. Luxurious master suite retreat complete with separate his and hers walk-in closets, large family gathering room, big kitchen for loving and serving and meeting everyone’s needs, plenty of kids rooms and a rumpus room for the next generation of grandchildren and cousins to grow and play. Memories to make; relationships to forge and weld together.

Other days, maybe it would be a good idea to ditch the compound for a small place with a large library/study and a craft room. Lots of new learning, trying new things that I've always had an interest in but haven't yet pursued.

Then again, maybe the basic plan is okay, but I should turn it a new direction. Reposition it on the building lot a little differently. Just alter the location of the rooms to be open to having new views and vistas. Purposely position myself to look at things I've never seen before.

But sometimes I think maybe I just need a penthouse with a guest room for the occasional visitor who asks for an invite to come to my exotic location as they take a vacation from their own life.

Maybe a college dorm approach would suit my needs for awhile. Renewable leases with no permanent commitments. Wait... I’m an adult. I’m too old for that lifestyle again. Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt and everything else... except the degree.

Awww, well... For now, I’m tired of feeling like my life has taken up permanent residence in a Hurricane Katrina tent city. I think I’ll check my life into a hotel room for a day or two. The building is already there. Someone else did the construction and the planning. Room service is available. And... there’s someone else to do the cleanup. It can't really accomodate a life... but hey, there's a bed to sleep in, a pool to swim in, and movies on demand right in your room. Might be nice for a week or two.